Awkward

Authenticity exists in the awkward moments of our lives when we aren’t on a script or can’t rely on entrenched formulas and models. It is easy to discuss, debate, argue, or converse when I stick to my talking points and avoid being curious and vulnerable. I feel uneasy when I say, “ I don’t know.” or “ I am sorry,” but either seems to create ease in the other person. When I hear a similar sentiment, I feel the tension in my shoulders and chest begin to melt.

If you feel awkward being awkward, good. Begin using degree modifiers like yet, somewhat, pretty, moderately, quite, fairly, a little, and a bit to ease you into compassionate authenticity. “ I don’t know yet.” “ That makes me a bit uncomfortable.” “I am pretty confident.” When the world doesn’t end when you aren’t perfect, it should encourage you to ask difficult questions, acknowledge insecurities, and express your disagreement with respect.

Patience is a virtue in the case where we are restoring relationships or trying to build trust. That is hard for an impatient imperfectionist to admit. We can’t just be vulnerable and expect vulnerability. I shouldn’t assume authenticity just because I am attempting to be authentic. Trust is earned over time, but once the lens of trust is in place, it becomes permanent until it is unearned.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it is the trait that has kept our species alive. If we become complacent and certain, we don’t need each other or the relationships fostered through awkwardly asking, “ what do you mean?” or, “ why do you feel that/believe that/ think that?”

Get awkward today. Be curious forever. Embrace uncertainty and see where it leads.